Short | sadness over delusion

PicsArt_07-10-01.39.09Random anecdote, when I was at internship, I was so depressed at the office life. It took me awhile to crawl out of the dark swirling head space and back into ‘normalcy’. By normal I mean, sadness that isn’t enough to cripple and make me want to tear my head off. Throughout the 6 months, people would tell me to decorate my desk, put some pics, bring your own personal stuff there to make it more home-y and pleasant, but I never did. I never wanted to feel comfortable there, some part of me rebelled so hard to keep myself on a barely tolerable dose of miserable just so I would never feel happy at where I was. I didn’t want to adjust or adapt, I wanted to make sure I was sad so I would never settle. Sure, the stress of falling into the life I have feared forever is a lot harder than seeing myself start smiling and adapting to the mundane life, and yet I’d much rather be stressed out. I’d much rather feel like shit than deluded.

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