Short | I thought i matured

Often I would reflect on certain moments in my past, my decisions, actions, behaviour, and think wow, back then i was still so self-assured that i was making the best possible choice, even though i wasn’t. Don’t we all do that! At one point, really believed that we had it all figured out and we were 100% right, but then in the futuro, we look back and was like damn, i was such a fucking idiot.

As i grew up i realised that i’m a better, more mature person than i was in those distinct past moments… or so i thought.

I’d like to think that i evolved and blah blah blah, but in some rare instances, i got to see the exact me, not the 2011 cordelia i have in my head, but the 2011 cordelia who penned down her raw and uninhibited opinions in her diary, those you can’t tamper with, unlike your memories that may only want to remember things in a way which wanes towards a more positive outlook i.e. growing in maturity as time passes, instead of the negative, like maybe being the same exact C U Next Tuesday as you were.

Gun to my head, i didn’t mature as much as i thought, expectation 50%, reality 10% and it is fucking hilarious to see the delusion. Oh god, how grim! Well i guess i just gotta keep striving for excellence! oh, FUN FACT: that was actually the motto of the Shanghai Singapore international school i used to go.


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