You’ve had like what, 60 years at life and that’s the best you can come up with?
– Angela Moss, Mr Robot (TV Series)
I’m not knocking at any professional, career or jobs in particular, but this line, this line by Angela stuck with me hard, i didn’t have to re-watch the scene or google the exact phrase but i think i remembered it exactly right.
I turned 20 on November 30th, and just like any other birthdays i didn’t feel any older or any different for that matter, it was a quiet day and i didn’t go out or anything, the only thing special was by dinner time my mom had made me all the dishes i requested for which includes salted vegetable soup, sausage wrapped in popiah skin ( a dish from my primary school sold by the Malay food store, so good!), and battered tou gan.
I was kinda disappointed in myself because i didn’t stomach much of it because somehow my palate just wasn’t feeling it that day. In fact i even had a salad for dinner, it was horrible because all it had was some shitty lettuce, cherry tomatoes, shaved nuts, berries and some mediocre dressing, but i did ask for it because i just wasn’t into fried food that day. A rare occasion. By tomorrow i was at work and consumed some under cooked noodles and was sick for almost a whole week, so i literally rung in my 20s with vomit and pain…
Before this gets any sadder, I did have a proper celebration about a weeks’ prior at what is now one of my favourite restaurants Brazil Churrasco, I had such a fantastic meal with my brother and my mother, everything was so great, the smoked duck, the chicken, the pasta, the cauliflower, the chicken heart, the pacific cod, expensive as hell but so worth it. I was actually introduced to it on one of my previous birthdays but my brother and i hated it and i was so angry that my mom would bring me to such a horrible place, oh how it has changed! It was actually my second time there this year because i urged my mom to bring me there when i saw it on bridesmaid, it was so out of the blue and considering i hated it my mom was so surprised at why i would want to go again. haha!
Now on a more solemn tone, turning 20, so many people have taken their share of oysters in the world by the time they are 20, and me? I still have absolutely nothing to show for. Everyone becomes plagued by this life crisis, and i doubt it will ever go away, as we get older we get more mature and we run out of excuses to explain for our lack of accomplishments. Life Crisis will be a reoccurring thing no matter how successful you are because you either feel like an underachiever or even after achieving something, you never know when you are gonna crash and burn.
But back to the quote, I don’t want to drift through life never knowing what i really want or what my end goal should be, working at some dead-end job that I hate, because that’s ‘what everyone has to do at some point so just do it’ kind of life, by the time I’m 60 i want to have built a career and made my name in the world, it’s not like I’m super ambitious or anything but as a human in this world i feel like i shouldn’t be meandering through life but rather contribute to something, to show that i’m not just another space-waster, like its the least i could do since I’m already born ya know? By 60, everyone should have something to show for, it could be tangible or intangible, either ways it should be something you should be proud to have devoted your life to.
Now, make a wish.